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Question: May Allaah reward you. This one says, “Is it permissible for me to talk to a woman I want to propose to?” He says, “So that we can understand (get to know) each other.”
Response: By Allaah, my brother, this [idea of] “so that we can understand (get to know) each other” – is problematic.
Tomorrow, you will say, “We [just want to] go out together; we [want to] go to the restaurants, [to spend time together] so that we can understand (get to know) each other [better], and the guardian won’t be with us, because he restricts us [from speaking freely].”
And this is [exactly] how Shaytaan operates [whispering to them both][1].
The makhtoobah[2] is [still considered] a stranger [to any man who is not her mahram].
[Now] when we say the ‘makhtoobah’ – [we’re] referring [specifically] to the one with whom the contract of marriage has not been concluded. [That is] because some Muslims [mistakenly] refer [to her as] a makhtoobah – intending by doing so the one with whom the contract of marriage has concluded, but before consummation; [but in that case,] she is [already] a wife.
[So again], the makhtoobah is the one with whom the contract of marriage has not been concluded; [she] is a stranger to the khateeb[3].
[In fact], the khateeb is more dangerous than others, because emotions are very present [in that moment], and [there is a sense of the] presence of security.
And if [a sense of] security is present, then caution fades [away]. And when caution leaves a person, he is [more] likely to break.
[Know that] a person will continue to remain upon good, so long as he has placed a protective ‘shield’ between himself and what is forbidden.
[Such a person] is cautious and afraid [of falling into what is forbidden].
[But] when a person’s caution towards what is forbidden is lost, it is feared he is [more] likely to fall [into it].
So [again], the khateeb is more likely than others to fall into what is forbidden, because he is [now] closer [to the makhtoobah], and emotions are very present [in that moment].
So [as a rule], it is not permissible for the khateeb when he is with the makhtoobah, except that which is permissible for a non-mahram with a woman.
[So] we do not prohibit him from speaking [to her] at all, and nor do we permit him to [freely] speak to her [without purpose].
[So] we say, what is permissible for a non-mahram with a woman, such as [verbally extending] the salaam without [causing] suspicion, and asking about her condition without [causing] suspicion, or asking about things that are permissible to ask about – [such as] when buying and selling; [this is] permissible.
And anything beyond that is not permissible.
[Such as] private conversations. Talking in private is not permissible.
And from amongst the worst platforms [facilitating] private talk today is WhatsApp.
This is one of the horns of Shaytaan – [only] if one does not fear Allaah [while] using it.
How many righteous men and women have been led to fall into what Allaah has forbidden – even if it is by [just] chatting?!
Beware! Beware! [Don’t] be lenient in chatting with a non-mahram woman on WhatsApp, even if the topic seems good in the beginning; such as cooperation upon righteousness and piety.
“[For example] we [only] talk about da’wah-related matters and disapproving of evils.”
[And in doing so, know] that Shaytaan [now] has a way [to cause fitnah between the two].
And I have said it before, and I’ll say it [again]: Shaytaan has found a way to the righteous through these forms of communication (platforms) and has led them – whether they realise it or not – to what Allaah has forbidden.
[So] beware! Beware O brothers!
Beware! Beware!
The point is, it is not permissible for the khateeb to communicate with the makhtoobah except in the same [limited] ways a non-mahram man may speak with a non-mahram woman.
I ask Allaah ﷻ to accept from us all [our righteous deeds].
And Allaah is The Most High and All-Knowing, and may Allaah’s prayers and salutations be upon our Prophet.
[1] The Prophet ﷺ said: «No man is alone with a [non-mahram] woman except Shaytaan is the third one present.» [Transmitted by Ahmad, at-Tirmidhee and al-Haakim; classified as saheeh by al-Albaanee in Saheeh al-Jaami’ no.2546]
[2] makhtoobah [مَخْطُوْبَه]: she to whom a proposal of marriage has been made, and accepted.
[3] khateeb [خَطِيْب]: he who has made a proposal of marriage to a woman, or has had a proposal accepted.
Translation originally published on 22 April, 2025
